Today is your birthday, happy birthday to you

[Anna Hertzberg]

I woke up not remembering. Nina reminded me in her email and now I realize my temporary amnesia was his doing, his wish to spare me the sentimentality I easily fall prey to and due to which I shed torrents of tears, like now. It was always his preference to ignore birthdays (his own as well as others') but he played along when it was necessary (or was told to). For his last birthday we walked twice around the Park and then went to see "South Pacific" at Lincoln Center. He sang the tunes from the musical all the way home and through the following days. I tried to sing along, but I did not want to spoil the effect. He had a beautiful voice. He new all the lyrics and he could repeat the melody perfectly. After the show Gabe invited us to dinner at Avi's favorite VP2. My parents gave him a book he always wanted: "The Ants" by Bert Hoelldobler. We continued celebrating for a while. Few weeks later Gabe took us out to see a Mamet's play at Manhattan Theatre Club. Afterwards we had pizza and tiramisu, Avi's choices.
What I would give to have this opportunity again. To have one more birthday, to look into his eyes and to drown in the love they reflected. To hold his hand, to stroke his hair, to bury my face in his beard or in the crook of his neck. To be lost in his embrace. To have just one more conversation with his extraordinarily interesting mind. Oh I know, I know it all is the way it all is and could not have happened any other way. Thank you for reminding me and happy Avi's birthday to all of us.