DEATH IS A REALITY OF LIFE, AN ARTICLE By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

[bhasa leona]

here are some thoughts about life and death written by Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

As I write this column, it was yesterday that Senator Edward M.
Kennedy was "laid to rest" in Arlington National Cemetery. His death
reminded me of a column I wrote several years ago. I want to update
and reprint it today.

There are over 3 billion people on earth and everyone, without
exception, will be dead within this lifetime. Today alone, over
250,000 have died. We die by accident and by design. We die from
overeating and from starvation. We die of old age and before we are
born. We die of thirst and of drowning. We die earlier, later, or on
time. Everybody does it! The death rate is 100 per cent. No one
gets out of this life alive.

Death is not a secret. It is not a disease. However, like so many
diseases, we often want to keep it a secret. Hide it from our friends
and relatives, even from ourselves. Cancer, venereal disease, AIDS,
and almost every other disease, except perhaps the common cold or flu,
we seem to want to keep out of our awareness. In shutting out the
reality of death, we often shut out being fully alive. For death is
the one common certainty in our individual life experiences. In
death, we share the commonality of everything that is alive. Other
than birth, death is the one great, singular experience we all have.
Indeed, death is not the opposite of life; it is the opposite of
birth. Both birth and death are universal life experiences.

We need to give up the notion that death is like a
disease...something to be hidden, something to avoid at any cost, some
kind of catastrophe, or even strange. Death is never a stranger. It
is known to each and every living cell. Death is not a disease; it is
a part of Life.

We live in a culture which is conditioned to deny death as a real
part of living. Perhaps we have it so confused due to the vast amount
of time and resources we spend on keeping our bodies young, beautiful,
and healthy. Perhaps we deny death because we feel guilty about it.
Like sex, it is usually talked about in hushed tones, behind closed
doors, with guilty overtones. Like sex, death is something everybody
does, but nobody talks (seriously anyway) about it.

There have been many cultures wherein death is not only acknowledged
as an integral aspect of being alive, it is even celebrated. "The Day
of the Dead" comes to mind. In ancient Egypt, many people spent their
entire lives preparing for death. In a society such as ours,
technology has allowed the acquisition of material goods physical
aids, and supportive conveniences, we spend less and less time
concerned about our day--to--day survival, and death seems so far in
the distant future, we don't concern ourselves very much with it.
This lends strength and support to our denial of it.

We cover up as best we can all signs of aging that might point to
death. We do everything we can to change our metabolism, our
middle-age paunch, those "liver spots," skin wrinkles, that loss of
hair and weakening of muscles, the loss of energy.

We experience the loss of friends and loved ones. We read the
newspaper account of people dying in fires, plane crashes, by
homicide, suicide, and natural disasters. We tend to take this news as
reinforcing the idea that everyone else dies, but not me! We may
observe that literally everything changes in life. We may even sense
that we also are the stuff of history. How can we go on denying and
just plain disregarding death? We do so at our own emotional
detriment.

In addition to denying it, we also treat it like a disease. We send
dying people to the hospital. We subject them to all kinds of
indignities of nakedness, helplessness, and tubes in all kinds of
orifices of the body...some natural and some man-made. We isolate
them from friends and loved ones. We put them in strange beds,
surround them with sterile unfamiliarity, and rob them of all
self--sufficiency. We jab them with needles to take out blood and
insert chemicals. We feed them only what we choose and what we think
is "good" for them. It is tragic, but most people in the hospital
with terminal illness actually die of starvation rather than the fatal
disease. We even avoid administering pain--relief medications out of
fear they will become addicted. So what if a person is addicted to a
pain killer while he or she is dying? Others want to be as fully awake
and conscious in order to experience this once--in--a--lifetime event.

We were told that Senator Kennedy had about 14 months (after his
diagnosis of "brain cancer") to prepare for his death. He planned for
his own funeral celebrations. His wife, Vicki, is quoted as saying,
"He was ready to go." That reminded me of a woman, having been
diagnosed as having terminal cancer, who once said, "Being terminal
just meant that at last I acknowledged that death was real. It did
not mean that I would die in six months or even die before the doctor
who had just given me the prognosis. It simply meant that I
acknowledged that I would die at all." Does it take a fatal disease to
strike before we are ready to acknowledge our death as a reality?

Death is an absolutely certain part of life. If you are afraid in
life, you will fear death. If you are angry with life, you will be
angry at death. If you love and accept life, you will love and accept
death. If you are open to all of life, you will be open to death.
Death is not a disease, to be treated and cured. It is a vital part
of being alive!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Dr. Thomas is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and life
coach. He serves on the faculty of the International University of
Professional Studies. He recently co-authored (with Patrick Williams)
the book: "Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and
Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice...and Your Life!"